5 Things To Know Before You Dip A Toe Into Sober Curious, Sober October, Or (Just Say No)Vember
Curious Elixir…spendy but tasty and super cool packaging. Cheers!
Updated 10/29/19 - Were you curious, but missed the boat on a Sober October? It's scary, I get it! Honestly, there is never a "good" time to start (wedding, Thanksgiving, bday, book club, etc) so that means NOW is always the BEST time. :) And DON'T fret if it's not a perfect 30 days - so what? Here are the easy going tips I assembled to help any time of year.
1) The Numbers
Welcome!! The first tip to share with you is that you’re joining a true throng….a massive, groundswell sea of us who are questioning our relationship with alcohol. That right there might come as a surprise because we don’t see it!! We are all surrounded by other people who drink and an alcohol obsessed culture, and none of us talks to anyone about our concerns about our drinking, not even with close friends or even spouses. I sure didn’t! We feel less than in control, less than free, and we think we are alone! You are NOT alone! On average, people question their drinking for 6-7 years before making a move toward change. Well, if this is your moment to start questioning, you picked a good one. The millennials are the first generation to drink less than their parents. They are helping fuel a movement that is seeing the opening of alcohol-free bars and raves, the sprouting of well-packaged, hip new alcohol alternatives and the clamoring by huge corporate brands to produce non-alcoholic products (See this trends article, citing no-alcohol beer as fastest growing segment in beer market globally). There are HUGE online communities, “quit lit,”* and even apps! I had never been an online message board contributor type yet found it immensely heart-warming and profound to exchange encouraging messages to total strangers via Annie Grace’s free online Alcohol Experiment.
2) Where Am I?
What does it mean to be sober-curious? Just that you’re taking a moment to say, hmmmm, what is really in this stuff, what does it do to my brain and body, and how and why did it become so omnipresent and powerful in our culture that we have to justify and defend NOT taking it?? So sober curious is a chance to step back, without judgement, and get “curious,” learn, and observe. That’s all it is. Be the author of your own personal science experiment and have fun with it. You don’t have to make any further commitment!
How we identify (non-drinker, sober, in recovery, alcoholic) and what words resonate with us are personal and have everything to do with the intensity of our experience with alcohol (whether this is a move toward better health or literally to save a life) and, where we are on the Alcohol Use Disorder continuum. Since embarking on this journey, I’ve mindfully had 5 glasses of wine and I’ve NOT had 700+. I call that a total win, and I’m the only one who can make that call! I don’t say “never” to alcohol because for some people saying never only puts a greater focus on that thing. Maybe I’m a gray-area drinker turned blue-moon drinker? I mostly don’t drink. And I’ve made alcohol small. The reason this is important to note is that there was formerly a very binary understanding of drinking….you were either “normal” or you had a “problem.” Grappling with the terminology keeps millions of people stuck. I’m saying don’t worry about the alphabet soup and just come on in!
3) The Most Googled Question
Maybe you’re waking up at 3 am every night in a worry or shame spiral (that’s the alcohol!); maybe you’ve made vows and pledges only to break them at 5 pm; maybe you’re tired of worrying if you hogged the conversation or said the wrong thing or worse (and don’t remember it). Or even who you went home with or where you parked the car. Maybe you’ve googled “am I an alcoholic?” What if I told you the term alcoholic is not even used anymore and that alcohol use disorder is now understood as a continuum. There are millions of us gray-area drinkers. And maybe the question is not about putting alcohol in the center and asking am I an alcoholic, but instead, putting YOUR most fabulous, fulfilled, courageous life in the center and using sobriety as a tool to get there!
4) Just Say No…To Willpower
There is something that sounds satisfying about muscling through the 30 days, with sheer grit and determination! But willpower will not take you where you want to go. It is like a muscle and will give way. Think about it this way…after 30 days, when we go back to our same routine, same life, and same THOUGHTS, why would we expect our drinking to be different? Luckily for us, there is another way thanks to author Annie Grace who eliminated her own dependency on alcohol by steeping herself in the best science, research and cognitive behavior techniques out there. She charted an entirely new path to habit change in her book, This Naked Mind, and in her Alcohol Experiment and it works!
5) TLC
Treat yourself with love, compassion and pampering. This is not penitence or lent! You can think of it as a 30-day self-care month. Buy fun supplies to concoct your evening beverage (tonics, citrus, fruits, herbs, bitters, juices, etc). Interrupt your routine around your trigger times with a different activity that you’re excited about. I went to a class at a dance studio across town. Buy self-care products that feel like a treat such as bath products or a luxurious tea (this is when I discovered matcha). Take yourself on field trips (one day I checked out a tea bar that had the vibe of a wine bar with customers hanging out and chatting with each other). Listen to inspirational podcasts. Focus on the GAIN. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, think of putting positive inputs into your body (including WATER - check out this article about hydrated people being happiest people!!). Think about the gains (time, clarity, freedom, and lordy on high, precious SLEEP!). And most importantly, journal. Your early observations and feelings will be very valuable to you later on plus it’s scientifically proven to reinforce the learning and lift your mood!
One more thing…you might have a headache or feel achy for a few days! That is part of the withdrawal symptom, and as far as I’m concerned is a seriously useful tool in just pointing out how badly your body deserves this break!
I hope this is helpful. Good luck and enjoy it. I think you’re in for a treat!