Game Plan For An AF Thanksgiving That’s Juicy, Not Dry!

Nov 18

POV: when your 22 year old blows your mind by cooking the entire Thanksgiving meal, from soup to nuts, in her small Paris apartment, including homemade rolls and homemade butter. xoxo

Alcohol is as integral to Thanksgiving as the turkey and the pie. In fact, the night before is one of the biggest bar nights in the calendar year. And in my 25 years in the wine industry, Thanksgiving was all about the new wine releases and open houses and events with lots of wine. It’s no wonder that I, and all of my clients approach this holiday with trepidation or outright anxiety. But rest assured I’ve got you covered with a comprehensive plan that covers mindset shifts, what to bring, what to say, and how to debrief after it’s over. Read this ahead of the holiday and pick and choose the parts that speak to you.

MINDSET

Celebrate! Celebrate that you are willing to consider approaching a holiday — Thanksgiving no less — alcohol-free! We live in an alcohol-obsessed culture and bucking the norm is cool, rebellious and bad-ass.

Get curious! This holiday presents an incredibly rich opportunity to make observations and to learn — really just too good a chance to pass up. And your expectations matter. If you’re like me, a Thanksgiving completely AF might be the first one since you were a teenager! That’s a big deal, so you don’t have to expect it to be the best holiday of your life. And also don’t make up your mind that it will be terrible and that you’ll feel deprived. It might be just ok. And that would be a win! So lead with curiosity and maybe a little bit of excitement that you’re kicking off an experiment.

Make One Firm Decision! Rather than “deciding in the moment” (a maybe is a yes), go all in, knowing that if you want, you can give yourself permission to drink another day and that not drinking at this event will begin the creation of a new neural pathway in your brain around holiday celebrations.

Feed The Brain A Better Question! Our brains are brilliant, problem solving machines. If we feed the brain a typical question like, “how is this Thanksgiving going to be anything other than dull with me feeling left out?,” the brain will just look for old evidence (from your own life, plus movies, commercials, etc) that matches that expectation. But if instead you feed the brain a better question, such as “What are some ways I can make this day kind of lovely, yummy, interesting, special, meaningful, etc?, “ ……well now, your brain is in a creative state, brainstorming your luscious day.

What Are You Saying Yes To! When we say no to a drink, we’re saying YES to….being fully present while talking to people and actually listening, having a cooler head, focusing more on the meal and the conversation, savoring the ingredients and appreciating the effort, remembering gratitude, noticing tiny delights, getting a great night’s sleep, not waking up in the middle of the night, or worrying about what we might have said, feeling great the next day, better digestion, etc.

GAME PLAN

Plan Ahead! Will there be NA beverages provided by your host or available at the venue? Would it be ok to bring your own? If options are limited, do you have a go-to order (such as sparkling water with a splash of cranberry and lime, or bitters & soda) that you’re comfortable with?

What do I say if someone asks if I want a drink? Say yes, I’m parched, I’d love a glass of water. (Your host just wants to do his/her “duty” and get a glass in your hand). Or “sure, I brought a sparkling NA wine/kombucha/beer/spirit that I’m loving and I thought a few others might like to taste it too.”

What do I say if people ask why I’m not drinking? Say as much or as little as you wish. You don’t owe explanations. You can say, “I feel so much happier when I’m not drinking,” “I’m not drinking today,” or “I was just curious if I’d sleep better, so I’m doing a month off and feel amazing so far,” and change the subject. Using an “I” statement makes it all about YOU and there is less chance of someone else feeling judged, if that is something you were concerned about. People will follow your lead. If you look and sound upbeat and confident in the decision, they are less likely to hassle you.

Pre-Game!! Hydrate liberally during the day and eat plenty of protein and meals or snacks high in good-fat (nuts, olives, avocado) which will help keep blood sugar balanced and thus help keep cravings at bay.

Contribute! Where appropriate, is there something that you would like to bring to share whether AF beverages or a savory or sweet food that you’re excited about and the host would appreciate? Check out my blog post about Holiday Indulgences That Aren’t Wine. Check my website for my favorite NA beverages, including wines, and bring enough to share! More and more people are interested.

Visualize! Ahead of the event, picture yourself there. Picture yourself looking and feeling the way you’d like to feel. Maybe open, engaged, interested, playful. It’s up to you. Comfortable. Content. Allow yourself to really feel these states and emotions. Picture yourself being offered a drink, picture yourself holding an NA beverage and feeling sharp, clear-headed, curious about other people (or however you want to feel). I like to take a moment also to consider who this event is important to. How do I want to show up in general and how can I show up for that person?

Normalize Awkward! Social encounters always have a few seconds of discomfort or awkwardness whether drinking or not and we’d make everyone’s lives easier to normalize that. A few seconds of discomfort (what do I do when they pass around the Champagne toast? What do I do when someone asks why I’m not drinking) may pale in comparison to the discomfort of a sleepless night, anxiety, saying something you regret or disappointment in breaking a promise to yourself as a result of drinking.

Get Sensory! What are the ways you can lean into sensory experiences leading up to or during the holiday? More music, fresh chopped herbs, essential oils or candles? Bowls of citrus, a pot of chili or warm cider? A little roller skating or skipping, or raking leaves or some ping pong or a dance class? A baking project or craft? Wandering a winter farmers market or craft market or plant nursery or used book store. Putting on something new or something old that you miss. Engaging our senses helps us sweep out of the busy brain and back into the present moment. Music, movement, breath, color and scent are some of the absolute quickest ways to change our state of mind and to regulate our nervous system up or down.

CONNECT

Play A Game! Try giving yourself a challenge, maybe to learn one new thing or to interact with someone you might not ordinarily. Or decide to ask the teenagers “what’s the coolest thing you did all year,” instead of “where do you want to go to college?” Or maybe you like the idea of introducing a game of questions, or a group walk or a fun-run. Or a dance party and invite everyone to submit a song for the playlist.

Group Participation! People like being asked to contribute so consider having others contribute to the meal, place settings, decorations, playlist, cleanup, etc, maybe even in teams, and not necessarily their own immediate family. Other ways to invite interaction could include a silly game, or a DIY non-alcoholic drink bar, coffee or hot chocolate bar or a friendly competition for best appetizer or dessert. Or sitting down together to make tamales or cookies or holiday cards.

WRAPPING IT UP

Have An Exit Plan! You did a cool, brave thing. If others are lingering to continue drinking and you’ve had enough, give yourself permission to leave when you’re ready!

Reward Yourself! If ever there is a day to go for it with the desserts, this is it. Consider having a treat waiting for you at home…an early holiday present….like a face mask, bath bomb, silky PJs, great book or an appointment or service that you’d enjoy. You totally deserve it. It’s a big deal to not drink, and all the drinkers had their dopamine hits. You deserve a treat and it reinforces to your brain that you accomplished your goal and that being AF has its rewards. It’s the best way to show the brain that the new behavior is the bigger, better offer and that is what behavior change is all about.

A Date For The Weekend! Make a date the very next morning or over the weekend to do something stimulating, either solo or with a friend. Relish how good it feels to be up and out of the house and have some “you time” while other family members are snoozing.

Debrief! An important step that many people forget. Review the event and write down or share with someone else all your observations.

What did you expect? Did your predictions match up with the way the event played out?

What did you enjoy/not enjoy about the event?

Was anything harder or easier than you thought?

Did you observe anything in your own behavior? In the behavior of others who were drinking?

How did you feel at the event, later and the next day?

Any notes for the next event?

Celebrate Again! Your new neural pathway has begun! Not everyone has the courage to break from the herd, the tradition, the norm. You did it!!

Repeat! Count on executing this plan for all big events, maybe even for a full calendar year. Each holiday and event can feel different, even if you’ve already done an event successfully.

I hope this was helpful! Please:

Reach out to me with any questions at martha@clearpowercoaching.com!

Martha Wright