Order The Lobster
Four and a half years ago, and for a few years prior to that, I knew I wanted to rewind my nightly wine habit, but I had my fears! I didn’t want to be hemmed in with a label (oh that Enneagram 7 does not like to be hemmed in), and I didn’t want to share this idea with anyone else…I mean, what if I couldn’t do it or changed my mind. But most of all, I feared that life would feel dry and tasteless.
I have loved good food for a long time. I grew up in a city (New Orleans) that puts eating first, in a state that is proud of its creole tomatoes, Pontchatoula strawberries, and its okra. I worked as a publicist, agent and “wrangler” for popular food-network chefs. I pitched in to test recipes and traveled with them to tape the shows in New York and Hawaii and to discover cuisines in remote parts of Mexico.
And I love to cook! And grow my own vegetables which I did for many years!
But in four years of coaching — hundreds of people — I’ve discovered that one thing we truly all share is being extremely critical of ourselves and having a hard time offering ourselves care. In fact, so many of my clients identify with being helpers….always there to offer care and resources to others, but then might deny themselves in the process. Can you relate?
I think it's what so many people get wrong in making this big lifestyle change....it gets approached as a "problem" or something to fix with a sort of gripping sensation. By contrast, I'm helping my clients melt away old beliefs about alcohol by creating a life that feels luscious, not dry. (If that sounds intriguing or you have questions, let's hop on the phone to discuss).
A few years ago, I was lucky to be at a posh beach town in Southern France with my daughter, immediately after travel restrictions were lifted.
We sat at a chic, bohemian-themed seaside restaurant, decorated in light colors with plush pillows and with sand on the floor.
I scanned the menu. It was pricier than places I might normally eat but this was vacation. Still, I did a quick mental calculation that I was barely conscious of to settle on a mid-tier priced item.
Until I reconsidered.
Hey, I’m saving money and calories (plus boosting the immune system, etc) by not drinking so get what you want! Order the Lobster Salad.
Why is it that I never tormented myself over the price of alcohol? The money on bottles of wine that I never questioned! For years!
I love helping my clients consider what are the other levers to pull that heighten mood, inject celebration, or inspire appreciation, joy and presence.
Getting dressed in something that makes you feel good? Paying attention to your lunch companion? Conversing with the server or owner? Trying something new? Buying yourself flowers? Or a custom cake? Secretly buying coffee for the person behind you? Pulling together a gourmet picnic with local products?
Ordering exactly what you want and savoring every bite? Priceless!
Pricey restaurants are not the point. I take the same approach with my oatmeal which I heap with nutrient-dense superfoods like ripe berries, rich nuts and dark chocolate. I feel amazing and so well taken care of in both preparing and eating it!
The self-critic might pop up to dismiss this as sounding superficial. First, I’ve written lots of other pieces about other important human needs like connection. But secondly, I’ve seen personally and from my clients that whether we deny versus meet our needs and desires is never trivial! Getting our needs and wants met (and learning to meet more of them ourselves rather than from outside sources) keeps our cup full, keeps resentment or deprivation low, and thus keeps alcohol out of a job!
So, go ahead! Order the Lobster Salad!
That lunch remains a beautiful memory, with its setting, view of my gorgeous lunch companion, the sexy bottle of French mineral water, the sand under my feet and that plump, decadent lobster!
So…what luscious thing can you do for yourself this week?
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Martha Wright is a New Orleans-born wine industry veteran turned sobriety/mindful drinking coach working in small groups and 1:1 in her own practice, Clear Power Coaching, as well as serving as Senior Coach with This Naked Mind. Using her background as a winemaker, and as a recipe-developer, right-hand and wrangler for Food Network chefs, her unique path to giving alcohol the pink-slip focuses on kicking up the lusciousness and fun in our lives (plus of course understanding the neuroscience of habits, uncovering unconscious beliefs, and honing coping tools). She splits her time between Paris, Portland, Oregon, and New Orleans where you can find her sleuthing out the best street-food markets, coffee shops and non-alcoholic venues, hosting NA meet-ups, or playing ping pong.
