What Are You Saying Yes To This Summer?

Will everyone think I’m no fun when I turn down a drink? Will I be bored with myself?

These questions are at the top of the list of fears amongst the thousands of people I’ve worked with in my private sobriety/mindful-drinking coaching and my work as a Senior Coach with This Naked Mind.

I had this exact fear myself, having built an identity that revolved around wine education and hospitality after 25-years as the co-owner of a small Oregon winery and French-wine import company.

Yet our brains are quite incredible machines and just want to solve problems.

And one thing we can do when we find ourselves with snagged energy and repetitive thoughts that are bringing up a lot of unhelpful noise……we can ask a different question.

What if instead of trying to answer, will everyone think I’m boring, we could spend some time digging into the puzzle of When I Say No To A Drink, What Am I Saying Yes To? What if this sober-curious journey is less about saying no and more about saying yes?

Summer is the perfect time to explore this.

I’m winding down my 3-month stay in Paris. At this latitude, just like back home in Oregon, the days are wonderfully, beautifully long. You have to work at it to get up before the sun does, and it doesn’t set until after 10 pm. I’m not a natural early riser but I was determined to try a 5:30 am walk along the Seine River and around the Louvre Museum. It was even more magical than I had imagined to have these spaces almost to myself. In the evenings, I feel free as a bird and as though I can go absolutely any distance, under my own power, like I did with a 10-mile winding walk through Paris during the all-night, city-wide music festival last week.

My clients have found that if they don’t drink, they might pick up and practice that ukulele or guitar they bought. If they drink, they don’t.

After drinking we might feel at best what Jane Fonda recently referred to as at “half-mast” or even worse, downright sick, dehydrated, exhausted, and running on low self-esteem and low-blood sugar - a perfect recipe for reaching for the carbs and skipping the workout.

One client was ready to swim with dolphins one morning in Cabo while her companions were too wrecked from the night before. What would you be excited to get up and out the door for before it gets too hot? Hikes, farmers markets, all-you-can-eat berry picking, county fairs, paddling, biking, brunch before the rush?

Almost everyone I’ve worked with has rediscovered the joy of reading. (And then remembering what they read and not having to reread the same page each night for weeks!). What’s on your summer reading list?

Counter-intuitively, many people find that they go out to explore and socialize more when they’re not drinking alcohol, not less. They have the energy, the motivation, the ideas and the peace of mind that they can safely drive home.

Ninety-percent of my clients experience radically better mood (less anxiety) and sleep when not drinking. But many also notice improved relationships with their teens, adult children or spouses. Or that their buttons don’t get pushed as easily, which I can tell you from experience, makes the family reunion for 17 people in one house for a week much, much easier!

And of course, our options for NA beverages have exploded and are winning awards, even against their alcoholic peers, so we need never turn down a drink again anyway. With the rise of enticing non-alcoholic options on menus across the country, as well as bottle shops, online retailers, bars, and apps for tracking down nearby NA resources, we never need to decline a drink again. YES! I’d love a drink. I’d like it in a flute or a coupe or a high ball. I’d love round-shaped ice and a citrus or herb or cherry garnish. I’d love a refreshing summer sipper or maybe a complex, layered nuanced cocktail.

So…..your exercise routine, your overall health and vibrancy, your relationships, seeing the sunrise, night-time star-gazing, keeping your word to yourself, building your confidence, reaching your goals…..when you say yes to a beautiful zero-proof beverage, and no to alcohol, what else are you saying yes to?

Maybe then, sober-curious folks are not no-people but yes people!